Helicopter Parents

We've all been subject to the recent phenomenon of over-parenting, in fact it was Higher Ed that coined the phrase "helicopter parents"- a term we're all familiar with! Educators have now created two new argots for the children of helicopter parents- "teacups"- students so fragile that the least bit of stress may break them, and "crispies"- students who are already burned out by the time they reach college! Nancy Gibb has written a funny and spot-on article titled The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting. It's well worth the read (and this is where you can be introduced to "teacups" and "crispies"). http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html

There's no doubt we're all happy that parents are involved in their children's lives and education, but over-parenting seems to be over-involvement on an extreme scale: Parents who do-it-all for the children , and parents who manage-it-all for their children. Parents who do-it-all shield them from failures, complete assignments for them ( re-do assignments they fear are substandard), speak for them, investigate for them, settle disputes for them, negotiate for them, intervene in perceived frightening situations, and even make phone calls for them. Parents who manage-it-all for their children believe educational success will only be achieved through strict management. They choose to micro-manage their children's study behaviors, friendships, extra-curricular activities, educational experiences, schedules, academic subjects, opportunities, and even college and career choices.

Ayelet Waldman, the author of Bad Mother, suggests that this extreme-parenting phenomenon is based on fear- fear that the child may fail, and a belief that the parent is solely responsible for the child's success or failure. She writes, "You know you're an extreme parent when you convince yourself that what your child achieves or fails is the result of what you've done or failed to do."

So what do we do now with our "helicopters"? We can attempt to alleviate their fear by giving them facts, guidelines, help links, and a plethora of information. At Dixie we have an article on our parent link suggesting parents give their students "roots and wings". But we might like Ithaca College's suggestion to parents the most. Ithaca invites parents to visit (but not too much); communicate (but not too often); expect change (but not too much) and to trust their children.

- Submitted by Julie Stender, Dixie State College